i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
