I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
