im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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