the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
