Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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