Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
