Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
