I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
