he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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