Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
