i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
