I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am one with the molecules
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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