This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
