I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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