I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
