if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
