my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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