so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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