Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
