His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
