wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
