I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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