youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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