I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
