I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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