Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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