imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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