I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
