So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
