Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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