Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
