if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
