I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
