Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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