She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
