I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
