And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
