You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
