hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
