your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize