When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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