i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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