Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
