Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
