I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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