I just threw up on my dentist
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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