it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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