I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
