His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
