How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
