took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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