i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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