There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
