i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
