Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
