He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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