dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
