textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
