someone get that fucking seahorse.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
