guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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