whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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