Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My penis needs a shock collar
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
