THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
