After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
