No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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