i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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