Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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