Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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