drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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