I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sponge bath it is.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
