Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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