Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
