Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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