so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
