Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I need to stop coming to work sober
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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