She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
3 2 1 whiskey
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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