PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
